Have you ever wonder if your life has a meaning? A purpose?
I did but maybe I'm the only one who has ever wondered.
My life is not like others.
Its like mine doesn't have any purpose in continuing.
Everybody has a fulfilling life, they have jobs, they have a happy family that loves and cares for them and friends who will support them.
But...do I have that?
The only thing I know I have is a family who hates me....that's all.
I don't even know if I can call them my family if they think that my excistence should just disappear...that I should just die...
I don't have friends....I don't have a job,I'm what you call a 'shut-in'.
I don't go outside because if I did I will just get bullied...I don't want that.
I don't want to feel pain, I don't want to see them staring at me like I'm just a trash and that i should just die.
The only thing that holds me back from killing myself is because of the stories I read. It makes me feel a lot of emotions.I feel happy, sad, angry, amd other emotions that I usually don't feel. Sometimes I just imagine myself as the MC, has a life of adventure,supportive friends and a loving family.
I don't know how to socialise with other people that's why I put a mask of no emotion and after years and years of pretending, I've become who I pretend to be. I could no longer feel emotions.
The only thing that sometimes make me feel is reading but as times past it doesn't make me feel the same way anymore.
Until I reach the age of 74, nothing has changed. All I did was just lay on my bed, looking at the ceiling, waiting for my last breath to end...
At least it was supposed to be the last.....
But I didn't think that God would give me another chance to change who I am....
Another chance in this life of mine...